I’m always looking for ways to help you thrive, and I believe the principles from Super Communicators by Charles Duhigg will bring more life to your life. Do you feel lonely despite the new technologies that allow us to communicate more than ever before? Do you ever think that there are topics you just can’t talk with people about, so you avoid talking about things that really matter to you and settle for surface chatter? Do you see individuals and groups gridlocked where each side hardly hears the other, so each side turns up the intensity in hopes of being truly heard, understood, and valued? Super Communicators have been able to foster meaningful, connective, and productive conversations between Christians and Muslims in a post-war environment and activists on either side of the U.S. debate over gun control. They can build friendship with nearly anyone, and they can unlock creative, collaborative solutions to many thorny problems.
Here are three of the principles that stood out to me among the many Duhigg shares:
- You might be showing that you are listening and understanding through facial expressions or cues, but to truly connect, showing isn’t enough. You might need to prove that you are listening and understanding. The best way to do that is to listen carefully to the verbal and non-verbal communication, share what you think you heard with them, and ask them if you’ve got it right.
- Sometimes, a conversation partner will shift their posture or tone. They might move from light-hearted to serious or from loud to soft. If you adjust your tone and posture along with them, it communicates care, attentiveness, and connection. On the other hand, if you don’t shift with them, they might feel disconnected and unseen.
- You can transform informational questions into connective questions by shifting them to focus on what a person believes or values. For example, “What do you do for work?” can become, “What’s your favorite part of your work?”.
These principles and strategies are helping me show up better for my wife, kids, clients, and the world. If you’d like to be a positive force for the people and causes you care about, I highly recommend checking it out. You can click the link to find it on Amazon.
